For many high-performing professionals – engineers in oil and gas, attorneys, medical providers, and project managers – working long hours is not just expected, it’s often rewarded. Productivity, responsiveness, overworking and endurance become markers of competence.

But there is growing recognition that what looks like dedication on the surface can, over time, become something more costly.

A recent survey highlighted in Employee Benefit News found that nearly half of U.S. full-time workers identify as “workaholics,” with 76% describing themselves as at least somewhat workaholic (Nesbitt, 2026). Three-quarters report working beyond 40 hours per week, and a significant subset exceed 60 hours.

While this level of effort may appear necessary – or even admirable – it often carries psychological and relational consequences that are harder to measure.

The Hidden Function of Overwork

In clinical practice, overworking is not only about external demands. It frequently serves an internal function. Work can become a highly effective form of avoidance – of difficult conversations, unresolved conflicts, anxiety, or even deeper questions about identity and satisfaction.

For example:

• An engineer may stay late to avoid tension at home.
• An attorney may take on additional cases to avoid feelings of inadequacy.
• A medical provider may overextend to maintain a sense of control in an unpredictable system.
• A project manager may remain constantly “on” to avoid disappointing others.

Over time, this pattern reinforces itself. Work becomes the place where you feel competent and in control, while other areas of life – relationships, parenting, self-care – begin to feel more demanding and less rewarding.

Impact on Parenting and Family Life

When work consistently takes priority, parenting often becomes reactive rather than intentional. You may find yourself physically present but emotionally depleted. Small moments – bedtime routines, conversations, shared activities – can begin to feel like obligations rather than opportunities for connection.

Children are perceptive. They may not articulate it directly, but they experience the absence of consistent, engaged attention. Over time, this can affect attachment, communication patterns, and behavioral dynamics within the home.

Overworking Strain on Couples & Relationships

Similarly, couples often experience a gradual erosion of connection.

When one or both partners are overextended:

• Communication becomes logistical rather than emotional.
• Conflict is avoided or escalates quickly due to accumulated stress.
• Intimacy – both emotional and physical – declines.

What begins as “I’m doing this for us” can slowly transform into “We don’t feel like a team anymore.”

The Mental Health Cost of Workaholics

The same survey found that 50% of workers report mental health impacts related to overwork.

These often include:

• Chronic stress and burnout
• Anxiety and difficulty disengaging
• Irritability and emotional exhaustion
• Sleep disruption
• Reduced sense of meaning outside of work

Importantly, working more hours does not necessarily improve performance. In fact, cognitive efficiency, decision-making, and creativity often decline under sustained stress.

How Psychotherapy Helps

Psychotherapy offers a structured space to examine these patterns without judgment. The goal is not to reduce ambition or professional excellence, but to bring awareness to the underlying drivers of overwork and create more sustainable ways of functioning.

In individual therapy, you can:

• Identify the internal beliefs fueling overwork (e.g., “I’m only valuable if I’m productive”)
• Develop boundaries that align with both professional and personal priorities
• Learn to tolerate discomfort rather than avoiding it through work
• Re-engage with relationships in a more present and intentional way

Why Group Therapy Is Especially Effective

Group psychotherapy adds a powerful dimension, particularly for high-achieving professionals who may feel isolated in their experience.

In a well-facilitated group, you begin to see that others – often equally accomplished – struggle with similar patterns. This shared experience reduces stigma and opens the door to more honest reflection.

Group therapy helps you:

• Recognize interpersonal patterns in real time
• Receive direct, constructive feedback from peers
• Practice setting boundaries and expressing needs
• Rebuild relational skills that may have been overshadowed by professional demands

Perhaps most importantly, group therapy challenges the belief that you must manage everything alone.

Moving Toward Balance

Overwork is often normalized, even celebrated. But normalization does not make it sustainable. As awareness grows, many professionals are beginning to question whether the cost is worth it – not just in terms of burnout, but in missed relationships, strained families, and a diminished sense of fulfillment.

Psychotherapy provides a path to recalibrate. Not by stepping away from success, but by redefining it in a way that includes both professional achievement and personal well-being. Step away from the work for one moment and book a therapy session today!

Here at Prasad Counseling and Training, many of our patients are highly trained professionals – medical providers, engineers in oil and gas, project managers, teachers, and attorneys. They work in demanding environments where competence matters, decisions carry consequences, and confidence is often expected.

But even among highly capable professionals, there’s a psychological pattern that can quietly influence decision-making: the Dunning–Kruger effect.

An recent article on Atlassian.com explains the concept simply: the Dunning–Kruger effect is a cognitive bias in which people overestimate their own knowledge or abilities, particularly when they have limited experience in a specific area. The phenomenon was first described by psychologists David Dunning and Justin Kruger in a 1999 study showing that people who performed poorly on tests of humor, grammar, and logic also dramatically overestimated how well they had done.

This finding doesn’t mean people are unintelligent. Rather, it highlights a paradox: the skills needed to perform well are often the same skills needed to evaluate performance accurately. When those skills are still developing, people may not yet have the awareness to recognize their own gaps.

High-Achieving Professionals are Not Immune

If you are a physician, nurse practitioner, or other medical provider, you are likely to operate in an environment where decisiveness is valued.

“Confidence is essential when diagnosing a patient or responding to a clinical problem,” says Prasad Counseling and Training Practice Owner, Bill Prasad, LPC-S.

Yet medicine is also a field where the volume of knowledge is vast and constantly evolving. The Dunning–Kruger effect can sometimes appear when clinicians move into unfamiliar areas – such as new technologies, administrative leadership, or policy decisions – where their expertise is still developing. “Our practice has the contract with the EAP that serves Methodist Hospitals. We work with many providers who face challenges,” he adds.

Engineers in the oil and gas industry face similar dynamics. Engineering culture rewards technical mastery and problem-solving. However, when projects involve complex interdisciplinary systems—finance, regulatory frameworks, or human behavior—technical confidence can occasionally spill over into domains where expertise is still forming.

Leadership: Pressure on Managers to be Confident

Project managers encounter another version of this bias. Leadership roles often require projecting certainty in front of teams and stakeholders. Yet managing timelines, human dynamics, risk forecasts, and organizational politics simultaneously means no one has full mastery of every variable.

The temptation to appear fully confident can sometimes mask areas where collaboration or feedback would strengthen outcomes.

Dunning-Kruger for Academics

Teachers and educators also experience this dynamic.

“Many teachers develop deep mastery in curriculum and pedagogy, yet new educational technologies, policy changes, or classroom behavioral challenges can create unfamiliar territory,” says Prasad Counseling and Training Group Counselor and Former School Counselor, Carroll Prasad, LPC-S.

The Dunning–Kruger effect can occur during these transitions when early exposure to a new approach creates a sense of confidence before deeper mastery develops.

“Attorneys may recognize a similar pattern,” says Prasad Counseling and Training Psychotherapist Hannah Schaeffer. “Legal training builds analytical reasoning and persuasive confidence—two qualities that serve clients well,” she adds.

However, the law contains countless specialties. An attorney who is brilliant in litigation may initially underestimate the complexity of tax law, intellectual property, or regulatory compliance.

The Learning Curve Behind the Bias

The Atlassian article connects the Dunning–Kruger effect to a model called the four stages of competence:

1. Unconscious incompetence – You don’t yet realize what you don’t know.
2. Conscious incompetence – You recognize gaps and begin learning.
3. Conscious competence – You can perform the skill with effort.
4. Unconscious competence – The skill becomes second nature.

The Dunning–Kruger effect tends to show up early – between the first and second stages – when initial exposure creates confidence before experience has caught up.

Matters for Mental Health & Professional Growth

In high-performance professions, overconfidence can create several challenges. It can block learning if feedback is ignored. It can strain team trust when someone repeatedly overpromises. In safety-sensitive fields—medicine, engineering, or law—the stakes can also be significant.

But there is another side to the story. A small degree of optimism can also push people to attempt ambitious goals they might otherwise avoid. In that sense, confidence can be a powerful motivator.

Building Healthier Self-Awareness

Awareness is the best antidote to this bias. The Atlassian article suggests several strategies that are particularly relevant for professionals:

• Seek honest feedback from colleagues and mentors.
• Reflect on past projects to identify where strengths and gaps consistently appear.
• Encourage psychological safety on teams, where people can admit uncertainty without fear of embarrassment.
• Stay committed to lifelong learning, even in areas where you already feel competent.

For professionals like medical providers, engineers, project managers, teachers, and attorneys, humility is not weakness—it is a cognitive advantage.

Understanding the Dunning–Kruger effect doesn’t mean doubting yourself. Instead, it offers something more valuable: a clearer, more realistic understanding of where your strengths truly shine and where growth is still unfolding.

Why Group Psychotherapy Can Help

One of the most powerful ways to develop accurate self-awareness is through group psychotherapy.

“In a well-facilitated therapy group, individuals receive real-time feedback from others who observe their communication style, assumptions, and blind spots,” says Group Leader and Prasad Counseling and Training psychotherapist Thomas Fryar. “This kind of interpersonal mirror can gently challenge overconfidence while also correcting the opposite problem—unnecessary self-doubt,” he adds.

Group therapy also creates a psychologically safe environment where high-achieving professionals can practice curiosity, humility, and authentic dialogue. Over time, many people discover that the insights they gain from peers help them become not only more self-aware individuals, but also more effective leaders, collaborators, and decision-makers in their professional lives.

Understanding the Dunning–Kruger effect doesn’t mean doubting yourself. Instead, it offers something more valuable: a clearer, more realistic understanding of where your strengths truly shine and where growth is still unfolding.

It is a big secret that new research has uncovered: Employees who care for a child or adult often feel they must conceal this part of their lives at work.

A recent article in Employee Benefit News highlights this uncomfortable reality.  According to survey data cited in the article, only 8% of employees feel comfortable discussing caregiving responsibilities with HR, while 20% actively conceal those responsibilities out of fear that they will be perceived as less committed to their jobs (Employee Benefit News, 2026).

Many people who have worked inside large organizations admit these numbers are not surprising.

Why Single Moms & Other Caregivers Hide This Responsibility

Jonna Hitchcock has more than 20 years of experience in human resources and leadership roles and is currently an intern with Prasad Counseling and Training. She says that even in companies with supportive policies, employees may hesitate to share caregiving challenges.

“In HR, you often see employees quietly trying to manage real family responsibilities in the background,” Hitchcock says. “Even when organizations offer flexibility, people may worry that admitting stress or scheduling conflicts could affect how their commitment is viewed.”

Hitchcock also speaks from personal experience. In 2001, she was a single mother by choice working in an executive-level role in the IT industry at Cisco Systems. As the sole breadwinner for her family, maintaining her job was essential.

“At that time, I didn’t feel comfortable sharing much about the stress I was juggling,” she says. “Pediatrician appointments, childcare cancellations, and everyday parenting emergencies were constant logistical challenges. Because my income supported our entire household, I felt pressure to expose as little of my personal life as possible at work.”

Like many working parents, she tried to keep her personal responsibilities and caregiving stress largely invisible. But that kind of concealment can carry psychological consequences. The Employee Benefit News article notes that caregiving is far more common than many employers realize: about 63 million

The Additional Burden of Hiding Caregiving Stress

Americans serve as caregivers, and roughly 70% of them are also in the workforce (Employee Benefit News, 2026).

From a psychological perspective, hiding caregiving stress and responsibilities can create significant emotional strain. When people feel they must separate their professional identity from a major part of their personal life, it can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, and feelings of isolation.

As Hitchcock explains from her counseling training, “When someone feels they have to manage two demanding roles but can’t acknowledge one of them openly, the emotional load becomes much heavier.”

Ironically, Hitchcock eventually discovered that openness could sometimes strengthen workplace relationships. When she began sharing more about her circumstances, other employees revealed they were navigating similar challenges.

“People in the same situation started coming out of the woodwork,” she says. “Many of them actually wanted to work on my team because they knew I understood what they were juggling.”

Over time, her group became a team largely composed of working mothers.

“We ended up with some of our best employees,” Hitchcock recalls. “We worked incredibly hard because we were a team of working parents who had a point to prove—and a paycheck to bring home.”

Widespread Effects of Caregiving Roles

Experiences like this highlight an important lesson for organizations: caregiving is not a niche issue. It is a widespread reality that intersects with workplace culture, employee wellbeing, and mental health.

Today, Hitchcock brings both her HR background and her counseling training to conversations about stress, caregiving, and life transitions. She is currently completing her counseling internship with Prasad Counseling and Training and is seeing clients at a reduced rate through May 15, 2026.

In addition, she is part of a team of clinicians offering Group Counseling every other week. Carroll Prasad, LPC-S and Thomas Fryar, LPC-A, lead these groups. “Group is the secret ingredient,” says Prasad. “Being in a room getting support, feedback and guidance without the fear of revealing yourself can be empowering, liberating and therapeutic.”

For individuals struggling with caregiving stress or life transitions, support can make a meaningful difference—and no one should feel they have to carry those challenges alone.

For support and counseling options, contact Prasad Counseling and Training for a variety of individual and group therapy solutions.

Have you ever felt like a fraud, even though you know you’re capable? You’re not alone! Many high achievers experience this feeling, known as Imposter Syndrome.

According to Psychology Today, around 25 to 30 percent of high performers deal with this. Nearly 70 percent of adults will face it at some point.

Syndrome makes it hard to believe in your achievements. It can leave you feeling like you’re just pretending to be successful. This can affect anyone, no matter their background or career.

The Research into Feeling Inferior

The term “imposter syndrome” was first coined in 1978 as “the imposter phenomenon” by psychologists Pauline Rose Clance, PhD, and Suzanne Imes, PhD. Their research focused on the experience of high-achieving women. They discovered that feeling like a fraud can come from family dynamics, like being compared to a smarter sibling.

“That inferiority in childhood causes you to overcompensate and develop unrealistically high expectations of yourself. You’re trying to outrun that feeling of incompetence,” says Michael Drane, PhD, LMCH. Drane says, “In other cases, women who their parents deemed as the exceptional one in the family, felt like a fraud. They didn’t necessarily trust their parents’ steadfast belief in them.”

From a societal viewpoint women may feel they need to be perfect, not just good. They can feel like imposters when they don’t meet these impossible standards. This has real consequences. Research shows that women are less likely than men to ask for salary increases, often because they don’t believe they deserve them.

Common signs of Imposter Syndrome for men and women include:

• Fear of failure or success
• Inability to accept praise or impulse to discount praise
• Overworking to prove yourself
• No matter what you achieve, it is never enough

These feelings of inadequacy can lead to anxiety and stress, burnout and delay. This can cause you to hesitate in taking on new opportunities, preventing you from making money and getting promoted. This can derail your career!

Help & Hope for Dealing with Imposter Syndrome

But here’s the good news: you can overcome Imposter Syndrome. Start by acknowledging your feelings and recognizing that perfection is an unrealistic goal. Challenge your negative self-talk and discuss your feelings with trusted friends or mentors. It is important to understand that making mistakes is a normal part of learning and growing.

Another key step is to accept compliments and praise. If you’re working hard and achieving results, you deserve to celebrate your success. Embrace your accomplishments and recognize that your experiences and perspectives are valuable. Remember, you’ve earned your place at the table.

Overcoming Imposter Syndrome is about being kinder to yourself, accepting positive feedback, and seeking support from others. Your achievements are real, and you deserve to feel proud of them. Believe in yourself—you’ve worked hard to get where you are, and it’s time to start recognizing your worth.

Common Signs of Imposter Syndrome

1. Individuals with Imposter Syndrome often set exceedingly high standards for themselves. They believe that anything less than perfect is not acceptable. They deal with constant self-criticism and a fear of failure.
2. Those experiencing Imposter Syndrome often downplay their achievements. They may attribute their success to luck, timing, or the help of others rather than their own skills and efforts. This mindset can prevent them from fully appreciating their capabilities.
3. A pervasive fear of being exposed as a fraud can cause a person to avoid taking on new challenges or responsibilities. This fear can stifle personal and professional growth. They may opt for safe, familiar tasks over opportunities that require stepping out of their comfort zone.
4. To compensate for their perceived inadequacy, individuals with Imposter Syndrome may overwork themselves. This often stems from a belief that they need to go above and beyond to prove their worth. This can lead to burnout and further exacerbate feelings of self-doubt.
5. People with Imposter Syndrome often dismiss positive feedback, viewing it as unwarranted or insincere. This inability to accept compliments can reinforce their belief that they are not truly deserving of success.

Identifying Imposter Syndrome in Yourself

If you frequently find yourself experiencing these signs, it might be time to reflect on whether Imposter Syndrome is affecting you. Ask yourself the following questions:

• Do you often feel like you’ve “lucked” into your achievements?
• You fear being exposed as incompetent despite evidence to the contrary?
• Do you find it difficult to accept compliments or praise?
• Have you set unrealistic standards for yourself and feel disappointed when you don’t meet them?
• Do you hesitate to take on new challenges due to fear of failure?

Psychology Today’s Imposter Syndrome Test

Recognizing these patterns is crucial in addressing Imposter Syndrome. By acknowledging these feelings and understanding that they are common among high-achieving individuals, you can begin challenging the negative self-perceptions that hold you back.

An attempted assassination, shooting at a high school, healthcare workers facing a mass shooting, or young people killed in a crowd surge at a concert… All are examples of trauma that punches the air out of us like a roller coaster plunging at 5 G’s.

Unfortunately for clients, but fortunately for therapists, we are familiar with crisis. When the stories disappear into a salad of YouTube videos, who helps the victims or rescuers process the shocking thoughts and the arduous hours that come next? Many companies call on Critical Incident Stress Management (CISM) professionals. These trained mental health professionals meet with groups hours or days after a mass shooting, bank robbery, natural disaster, or other traumatic event.

What is a Critical Incident Stress Management Group?

Critical Incident Stress Management (CISM) groups or individual sessions are not psychotherapy. CISM groups and psychological first aid seek to:

• Stabilize and normalize reactions
• Educate on how traumatic events might influence the body and mind
• Establish coping skills
• Identify resources such as an Employee Assistance Program (EAP)

For a city or a company hosting the CISM response, the goals can be simple: send a message that their employees are supported and show them resources that can help return them to high performance levels. Unlike group therapy, most of these Critical Incident Stress Management groups happen onsite close to or at the scene of an event and are one-time groups. Also, unlike psychotherapy, a CISM group is not the place where you tell your story of the traumatic event.

CISM Example: Houston Concert Crowd Surge

One example of how this practice provides vital support would be when CISM responders were used after a 2021 crowd surge at a Houston concert. Ten people died, aged 9 to 27 years old. Some of the survivors were teenagers working in crowded stores during the holidays.

Teenagers working in this climate might have physical responses like racing heart, sweating, or shaking. They may feel intense fear or panic and the urgent need to flee, run or escape.

CISM Example: Texas Drive-By Mass Shooting

Another example was a mass shooting in Baytown, Texas that same year. One person was killed, and 13 others were wounded in a drive-by. Victims poured into a local hospital.  These medical providers, to do their jobs, might default to disconnection from the event to care for their patients.

As a CISM responder, I discovered that the teams performed brilliantly. But once the event ended, some medical providers faced sleep and eating disruptions. This is where CISM can help stabilize staff that must continue to provide optimal patient care.

The types of groups or individual sessions can be as varied as the traumatic events or a person’s perception of an event. But the combination of CISM, followed by aftercare, can be one of the most powerful groupings in a clinician’s effort to reduce the influence of post-traumatic stress and help a survivor search for healing.

CISM: Trauma After a Shooting

A shooting at a workplace, school, or other public place can have profound and long-lasting psychological effects on those who experience it. Witnessing such a violent event can trigger intense fear and helplessness, leading to trauma. Some people may have symptoms of PTSD, such as flashbacks, nightmares, extreme anxiety, and persistent thoughts about the event. The sudden, violent nature of a shooting can shatter a person’s sense of safety and security, creating a persistent fear that it could happen again.

Trauma after a shooting can also have a ripple effect, impacting not only those directly involved but also their families, friends, and the wider community. Survivors might struggle with feelings of guilt or anger, and their ability to function in daily life can be significantly impaired.

This can lead to difficulties in relationships, work performance, and overall well-being. Additionally, the communal nature of places like schools or workplaces means that a shooting can erode the sense of community and trust, making it difficult for individuals to feel safe and supported in these environments again.

In the aftermath of such an event, it’s crucial to provide psychological support and counseling to help individuals process their experiences and begin to heal. This support can help mitigate the long-term impacts of trauma, fostering resilience and recovery. Early intervention and ongoing mental health care are essential in helping survivors rebuild their sense of security and navigate the path to emotional well-being.

Professional Critical Incident Stress Management Services

Prasad Counseling and Training provides professional CISM services for companies and organizations across the United States and internationally. I have been called out to handle the needs of employees and their family members following a traumatic event such as the effects of gun violence. It is important to provide crisis management support to your team. This helps address their mental health needs and creates a safe and productive work environment.

See our webpage on our CISM services for more information. Follow us on social media to stay connected to more information and support regarding mental health matters.

What Are You Saying Yes To?

You may be trying to avoid conflict or maybe you just want to be liked, but will you like the way you’ll be treated people who say yes to all additional work?

You may want to be seen as a go-getter or a high performer but author Lisa Earl McLeod says it may backfire. You may be seen as the person who people can dump their work on instead.

There are alternatives McLeod recommends you offer to do part of the project the second part she warns if you take on the first part the rest of it might be dumped in your lap. Other responses include

• What if I help you with something else?
• I’m so glad you would trust me with this, but I have to say no this time
• I enjoyed helping you the last time but this time I just can’t I can’t help you this week.
• Can you check back next week to see if I have time?

What if your boss asks you to take on another project and you are already maxed out? Do not take it for granted that your manager knows exactly how long it takes for you to do your existing tasks. Express that you want to take on the work but ask what you can put on the back burner until you are finished.

Try to put the business’s interests first and always avoid using personal reasons as an excuse.

If you are unsure about taking on another task, give yourself some time to respond. Ask if you can get back to your boss or a co-worker by the end of the day. Hopefully, that’s something they can say yes to.

Dealing With the Death of A Co-worker

It might be heart disease, cancer, stroke, an accident or maybe even suicide… all eyes will be on the leader.

Get a critical incident responder to intervene on-site or virtually in the first few days after employees have been told. Timing can be critical a licensed professional will help workers understand and normalize symptoms that can include shock, inability to concentrate, difficulty solving problems, and anger.

Some people may even feel guilt because maybe they said no to spending time with the person who died or they had a disagreement with him or her. Working from home has made things a bit more complicated. Some people find grief more tolerable because they can walk across the hall and speak to a loved one while others are home alone.

In addition, workers may see changes in eating and sleeping patterns after getting the news. Some people might not sleep well or they may lose their appetites. Also the new workplace means people may be scattered around the country. A funeral or other services may not be reachable.

If you are a leader, your direct reports are looking to you for guidance. You don’t need to be a grief therapist, but you do need a critical incident responder.

Need Professional Support for a Workplace Crisis?

I provide professional training services to organizations and companies to best handle crisis situations such as natural disasters or suicide in the workplace. Learn more about these services on my Training/Speaking page. Let me know what assistance you need by contacting me for specific questions and help.

I was working as the Director of Behavioral Health for Fairfax County Fire and Rescue. One year into the job, I saw team-splintering at some fire stations. A generational and cultural rift was creating dividers between men and women who must eat, sleep and take risks together.

Firefighting is a family occupation for many firefighters, their fathers wielded hoses and drove rigs, just like their grandfathers. They were colliding with a new generation of firefighters who chose this as a second career.

“Those recruits (firefighters in training) wouldn’t know a garden hose from a fire hose,” grunted one veteran. Adding to the mix was a diverse county where many immigrants from El Salvador were taking root. This cultural clash caused even more strife. 

Diversity in the Workplace 

A highly diverse working group can bring important and varying contributions to a workplace. It can also bring challenges. Cross-cultural differences influence behavior, etiquette, norms, values, expressions, group mechanics, non-verbal communication and in the end, results (Diversity and Inclusion in Teams, 2015). 

Some posit that cultural differences among group members can be a source of insight (Polzer, 2015). Polzer and Fernandes (2015) report that early laboratory experiments discovered that heterogeneous groups solved problems more effectively than homogeneous groups.

This resulted in a hypothesis suggesting that members of diverse groups bring unique perspectives to the table, creating a larger pool of available information, skills, approaches, and networks (Neale, 2005). Neale and Mannix (2005) say diversity should lead to constructive task conflict and debate, causing team members to explore alternative solutions and conduct more thorough analyses of the issues at hand. 

My firefighter was having difficulty expressing himself in our conversation. Sometimes, people have difficulties in finding word equivalents for emotions across cultures (Wierzbicka, 1992). He was struggling with the words. Perhaps a macho culture, both where he was born and at a fire department, does not loan itself to words of introspection.

“How is talking going to change things?’” he asked. This was a good question to toss at a therapist. “We’re not looking to change things. We’re looking at changing the way you react and manage things,” was my retort. The great thing about firefighters is that you can go directly to the point.

I spent some time riding with his crew. Since I did “ride-alongs” regularly, the visit didn’t attract any attention or compromise his confidentiality. Fairfax County has one of the best career fire departments in the county. These are high-performance teams that depend on each other when their lives are on the line. The best teams were always given a certain amount of autonomy. Firefighters hated officers who micromanaged. Autonomy is a characteristic of high- performing teams (Johnsen, 2009). There is no democratic consensus process for selecting new members of the team. They do communicate a shared vision which Johnsen (2009) says can be helpful if it is founded on responsibility, service and trust. 

As the day progressed I used group coaching to try to build group unity. Group coaching is being used in corporations, small businesses and in government programs, gaining significant ground in North America and taking roots in Europe and Australia (Britton, 2010).

At the fire station I had a collection of new and old generation firefighters as well as my firefighter client. Some of these men and women (at the time Fairfax County had one of the largest concentrations of women at about 8% of the workforce) were iconoclasts, but doing it with grace and generosity to reshape culture. It has been called “Angelic trouble making” or going against the grain in a benevolent fashion.  A Fast Company internet article says it’s not about being difficult; it’s about forcing people to see situations differently. 

I borrowed from Irv Yalom, the guru of group counseling, as I attempted to build group unity, cross-cultural awareness and a greater understanding of global communication styles. I did this in small, impromptu groups while riding in a fire truck or during meals. For breakfast, I suggested that my client make the team a typical breakfast served in the country where he was born. In the end he was welcomed as part of the team. I owe this to a team willing to work together, communicate and venture into areas of discomfort.  The delicious plantains didn’t hurt, either. Now, they like his breakfasts, and him.

References

Britton, J. J. (2010). Effective Group Coaching. Ontario: John Wiley and Sons .

Diversity and Inclusion in Teams. (2015). Retrieved from Power Change Coaching Training International: http://powerful-change.com/working-with-multi-cultural-and-diverse-teams/

https://www.fastcompany.com/3063819/work-smart/the-one-surprising-person-your-work-team-desperately-needs. (2016, September ). The One Surprising Person Your Work Team Desperately Needs. Retrieved from Fast Company.

Johnsen, A. L. (2009). From High Performance Teams to Evolutionary Learning Communities: New Pathways in Organiztional Development. Journal of Organizational Transformation and Social Change, 29-to 48 .

Neale, E. M. (2005). What Differences Make a Difference? Psychological Science in the Public Interest, pp. 31-35 .

Polzer, C. R. (2015). Diversity in Groups. Retrieved from Harvard Business School: www.hbs.edu/…/Diversity_in_Groups_EmergingTrends_577

Wierzbicka, A. (1992). Semantics, Culture and Cognition: Universal Human Concepts in Culture-Specific Configurations. New York: Oxford University Press .

Leadership is the second hardest job behind parenting. I’ve worked as a leader for television stations, hospitals, and outpatient/residential drug treatment centers. Whether it’s heads in front of a TV or heads in beds, the pressure is on leaders to produce results in a business environment that moves at the speed of social media.  I’ve taken my experience and the teachings of John Maxwell and Patrick Lencioni and combined them with what I learned in earning a certificate in leadership from the University of Houston- Downtown to produce the 17 Rules of Leadership for 2017.

Rule Number One:  There is no one!  There is no single book, certification, diploma or workshop that will give you all you need to know about leadership. This is an evolving target that shifts almost monthly calling on you to constantly be a student of leadership.

Rule Number Two: The rule of position. You don’t need a title or a credential to be a leader. People need to be led and a good leader knows you lead from where you are. 

Rule Number Three: The rule of charisma. Is charisma a must for a leader? While it helps, charisma is not a key component. Some leaders lack charisma – Bill Gates, for example. Sometimes the charismatic leader can suck the air out of a room with bombastic diatribes while failing to ask direct reports a key question: “What do you think?”

Rule Number Four: The rule of change. Expect challenges to change but don’t characterize it as resistance. Change prompts fear in many direct reports. 

• How will this influence my work hours? 
• Will I have to move to a new office? 
• Am I up to the task? 

Place a value on their feedback and explain why change is necessary. Help suck the air out of the trepidation balloon.  

Rule Number Five:  The rule of conversations. Understand how and when to have difficult conversations and when to overcome your anxiety. And remember: the conversation is the relationship.

Rule Number Six: The rule of 60/90. As a new leader or a leader promoted from inside, people will follow you because of your position or education. That comes to an end at about 60 to 90 days. In this time period you must show that you have the knowledge to get things done. Don’t rely on your title.  

Rule Number Seven: The rule of problem solving. You are in a leadership position to find solutions. Complaining because there are problems is equivalent to a dentist complaining because he has to work on teeth. The day direct reports stop bringing you their problems is the day they have lost confidence in you and have concluded you do not care.

Rule Number Eight: The Rule of Value. Do you know your team’s value? Have you said, “Thank You,” as part of an effort to show them that you value their work and want to invest in their growth? 

Rule Number Nine:  Rule of Fit.  Don’t hire the best candidate; hire the best candidate that fits your team. You can teach skills but you can’t teach personality. 

Rule Number 10:  Managers who compare direct reports to themselves and who often say, “I could have done that better and faster,” soon get frustrated. A leader must remember that he is not leading himself. If every direct report performed well, you wouldn’t need managers. 

Rule Number 11: Never have a corrective conversation with an employee when you are angry. Your body language may say more than what you are actually saying.

Rule Number 12: The rule of hiring slow. Use a combination of one-on-one and panel interviewing, ask behavioral questions and probe for understanding of the team concept. Hiring the wrong candidate wastes time and money, so take your time!

Rule Number 13: The Pottery Barn rule. Former Secretary of Defense Colin Powel once said, “You break it, you own it,” when discussing military incursions into the Middle East. The same can be said about hiring an employee who isn’t working out. You hired him/her, it’s not working, you fix it.

Rule Number 14: Leaders suffer. The higher you go, the more sacrifices you must make. Try to stay focused and optimistic while you drive change. 

Rule Number 15: The rule of 15 minutes. Meet with each direct report for at least 15 minutes two times a month. Building the relationship will help improve communication and performance while reducing progressive discipline and turnover. 

Rule Number 16: Learn to work with different generations. The workplace is almost evenly divided in thirds by Millennials, Gen Xers and Baby Boomers. Learn their motivations and what each group needs to succeed. 

Rule Number 17: Build, not break trust. Trust is built with ethical behavior, pulling back the curtain (releasing relevant information), not taking giving credit and acts of deception.

Leaders who follow “servant leadership” tenants and use power and influence to power high-performance teams will always have followers. Leaders who wield intimidation, dishonesty and deception rarely have followers, and a leader without followers is just a man taking a walk. 

Many Americans equate getting away with getting in deep with the office sharks. They say this while they are drowning in work. A GSK study (Overwhelmed America: Why Don’t We Use Our Paid Time Off?, 2017) says almost 3 out of every four workers say they are stressed at work, with one in four reporting they are “very’ or “extremely” stressed. They study explains, “while 96% of respondents recognized the importance of using time off, there are still 41% of Americans who do not plan on using all of their vacation days in 2014.”  America: The Go-Go’s would be appalled!

Project: Time Off (Stats: American Workers Take Average of 16.8 Vacation Days in 2016, 2017) says last year 662 million vacation days were left on the table, four million days more than 2015. Project: Time Off (wouldn’t it sound like fun to work for them?) says:

The average American took:

• 16 days’ vacation in 2016 (up slightly from 2015)
• 20 days’ vacation in the years up to 2000

Travel Agent Central (another company I would like to work for) says men were more likely than women to use all their vacation in 2016. Millennial women, who despite being more fervent believers in the benefits of time off than their male counterparts, take less time off (44% Millennial women vs. 51% Millennial men) due to an overwhelming amount of reported guilt, fear, and work martyr habits.

Why vacation days are left on the table:

• 26% say taking time off makes them look less dedicated
• 23% say they don’t want to be seen as replaceable
• 21% say they would lose out on a raise or promotion

Other reasons include:

• Fear of returning to a mountain of worry and work
• No one else can do my job
• Taking time off is harder as you are promoted

Rewarded for Sacrificing Time Off?

Do those who work more and sacrifice their vacation days get promoted more often and make more money? The numbers don’t reflect the money for martyrdom philosophy.

Among those who forfeited vacations, 23% were promoted as compared to the 27% percent of those who rose on the ladder and took vacations. As for fattening the wallet, 84% of those who took vacations received a raise or bonus while 78% of those who forfeited vacations got an increase in greenbacks.

The vacation bottom line: Employees who take 10 or fewer days of vacation time are less likely to have received a raise or bonus in the last three years than those who took 11 days or more.

It is never too late to take Belinda Carlisle’s advice and exclaim “Vacation, all I ever wanted!” By the way, that is me in the 1980’s taking time off to scuba and learning that the sharks in the water who might take a bite out of me were more frightening than the sharks in the boardroom who might take a bite out of my vacation.