A Counselor’s Recipe for Keeping the Peace at Thanksgiving
By Bill Prasad, LPC-S, LCDC
As Thanksgiving approaches, many families start to feel anxious—not about the food or the travel—but about the conversations. Politics can turn a happy gathering into a battlefield faster than you can pass the mashed potatoes. How do you avoid political fights with those you disagree with? Every family has one relative who thinks the dinner table is a debate stage. Unfortunately, the moderator is nowhere to be found.
7 Strategies to Avoiding Political Battles Over the Holidays
The truth is political talk in families isn’t really about policy. It’s about identity, belonging, and fear. People defend political positions because they represent something deeper—values, self-worth, even safety. Understanding that can change the way we respond.
1. Listen for the Emotion, Not the Argument
When a family member makes a strong political statement, try to hear the feeling underneath it. “This country’s falling apart” often really means, “I’m worried about the future.” Responding to the emotion—rather than the argument—creates connection instead of conflict.
2. Try Relational Aikido
When someone comes at you with strong opinions, don’t block or push back. Redirect.
If a cousin says, “People like you don’t get it,” you might respond, “It sounds like you’ve been feeling frustrated by how people talk about this issue.” You haven’t agreed—but you’ve shifted the tone. Emotional validation disarms tension faster than logic ever can.
3. Set Boundaries that Protect Connection
Some families decide that certain spaces—like dinner, birthdays, or game night—are politics-free zones. It’s not avoidance; it’s protection. Think of it as a boundary that prioritizes relationships over rhetoric. Families that last through political divides are the ones that know when to not engage.
4. Choose Connection Over Convincing
Ask yourself before you respond: Do I want to connect or convince?
If it’s the latter, you’re headed for trouble. No one’s ever had their political beliefs changed over turkey and stuffing. But connection—listening, curiosity, empathy—can change the emotional climate of a family.
5. Stay Regulated
Political outrage is contagious. Once adrenaline and cortisol rise, logic leaves the room. Before reacting, pause. If you feel your blood pressure rising, take a breath. The stuffing isn’t worth a stroke. Make a quick joke to reset the tone. Calm isn’t weakness—it’s leadership.
6. Focus on Shared Values
Even when you disagree on candidates or policies, there’s often a shared moral core: wanting safety, fairness, or opportunity. When you highlight what you share, you bring people back to the human level beneath the politics.
7. Accept that Peace Doesn’t Require Agreement
Emotional maturity means being able to sit at the same table with someone who votes differently—and still enjoy the meal. The goal isn’t to win; it’s to stay connected. Families can survive political differences when they value love over being right. You won’t change your uncle’s vote this Thanksgiving. But you can keep him from throwing the mashed potatoes.
The goal isn’t to win the argument, it’s to preserve the connection.
At some point, you may have to choose: dessert or debate. One of them will actually make you feel good. In the end, political peace at home isn’t about walking on eggshells—it’s about remembering what really matters.  When we protect our relationships, we model the kind of civility our country could use more of.
About Prasad Counseling & Training
At Prasad Counseling and Training, we help individuals, couples, and families strengthen communication, navigate conflict, and build connection across differences. Whether you are looking for solutions to handle additional challenges with family conflict or help for dealing with other issues causing stress, anxiety or depression, give us a call. To learn more, contact our office to schedule an appointment.
